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my parody of Telephone by Lady Gaga

"Prithee (or pray) cease telegraphing me-e-e-e-e-e-e

cease telegraphing me-e-e-e-e-e-e

“good morrow good morrow darling you wrote

i cannot read a thing

the footmen will not bring the note

here at this ball, ball”

good sir, your urgent telegraphs

shan’t induce me to leave any sooner

fetch my cloak any sooner

leave my dearest friends any sooner

i should not allow the footman to bring me any more messages

for this is a catastrophe!

you are like a census man!

my sincerest apologies but i cannot reply

'tisn't that i mislike you

i am merely out in society

and frankly i am weary of these messages arriving

betimes i feel as though i live in southampton's quay

tonight i shan't reply further, for i am waltzing

i am waltzing

i am waltzing

tonight i shan't reply further, for i am waltzing

at the soiree and i’m drinking champagne

and you won’t reach me via telegraph

STOP"

picture the cast of gone with the wind, having a gaga style rave to fiddle music and The Blue Danube. also it could be filmed in sepia.

on the internets

Me: THE DOG I MET WAS LIKE A MARSHMALLOW COME TO LIFE

Hannah: I can tell

Me: she was bigger than that puppy but SO. CUTE.

Hannah: Wow. I am really really jealous

Me: that's basically the coolest thing i've done since you left
met a live marshmallow

Hannah: did you get to play with her?

Me: yes, a little
she was excited b/c there were little kids playing, so she kept getting distracted and running away and then coming back and trying to climb into my purse

Hannah: HAHA. She wants to be a lap dog

Me: so true, except she was real big

bigger than lister

Hannah: Wow.

Me: yup
it is a tale i will tell for many a year
GATHER ROUND CHILDREN
AND YOU SHALL HEAR
ABOUT THE TIME I MET A BIG FLUFFY DOG
NAMED SOLEIL

Hannah
So did the person with the dog live near you?

Me: [redacted]
she is my internet friend melinda
we had coffee and sammiches

Hannah: Its nice that she's close and not crazy

Me: yep
my mom was like "call me if it turns out melinda is actually a perverted old man"
but really she was just a lady

Hannah: you never know with these internet peoples

Me: it's true
right now, for instance, i am a perverted old man

Hannah: NOOOOO

Me: this sometimes happens to me when i am on the internet

Hannah: all my dirty secrets

Me: no no, nothing to be alarmed about
i will change back soon

Hannah: good. I want you to be a lady when I get home
I'm a lady you see

Me: haha i was just going to type that

Hannah: we are too similar

Lame

I'm so bored that I'm starting to feel sick and depressed. I need a job. Also my laptop is dying.

Death by Sparkle

Me: OMG NEW MOON
speaking of crazy

Rachel:lol
i may be going on fri...
if we get our act together

Me: ooh you are brave, so brave

Rachel: lol

Me: there's no way i'm going until at least monday
OH THE LULZ WE SHALL HAVE

Rachel: lol
i will be the only one lusting after chaske spencer...so i will have the most lulz

Me: oh i think i will have the most lulz

Rachel: LOL

Me: we should have a lulz-off

Rachel: keep track then

Me: i will have a spreadsheet

Rachel: lulz per minute

Me: graphs, charts, etc

Rachel: screams of fangirls per second
VENN DIAGRAMS?

Me: YES

Depressed

In general. With myself. I had it really well articulated about an hour ago but I've since lost it. Basically I am sad that I'm no fun on my own. I should be able to go out and make friends and do stuff, but I don't/can't. I'm supposed to go out Monday with Sarah and people to celebrate her thesis being done but I don't want to because going out to the bars with people invariably makes my self-esteem completely disappear even though I wish I could do it and have fun. Basically I feel lame but doing things that should make me feel less lame only make me feel more lame. And lame isn't even the right word-it's more like "horrifically, painfully, uncureably awkward and awful".
But I've found a cool thing that makes me think that maybe, just maybe, if everything pans out and I have a giant stroke of luck, this decision might have been a really good one.

From DU's LIS program website:
"Early Childhood Librarianship Fellowship

The University of Denver's (DU) Library and Information Science (LIS) program will be fully-funding 10 student fellowships with a specialization in Early Childhood Librarianship to begin in the fall of 2010. As a specialization, DU-LIS is one of the first Master's of Library and Information Science (MLIS) programs in the country to develop coursework and learning experiences in an interdisciplinary, experiential learning framework in consultation with public library, child development, and early childhood education partners.

The primary goal of this project is to increase the number of MLIS-degreed librarians who are prepared to serve the early literacy needs of very young children (0-5 years), caregivers, families, educators, and community coalitions in Colorado. This goal will be achieved with funding sup­port for 10 student fellowships for completion of the DU MLIS using experiential learning in at least 5 part­ner public libraries and at least 5 early childhood education centers, and an interdis­ciplinary curriculum including LIS coursework and Child, Family, and School Psychology (CFSP) coursework in brain development, language acquisition, and special needs.

This project is designed to provide fellow­ship recipients with extensive coursework and direct experiences in the settings most pertinent to early childhood literacy. The coursework has been chosen to include classes in brain research and child development in order to better understand some of the principles behind framework such as Every Child Ready to Read©. MLIS fellows will be placed in public libraries and pre­schools, with an emphasis on diversity of programs and populations. Fellows will also take con­versational Spanish, as Colorado and other states have a significant percentage of Spanish speaking residents."

I think maybe, maybe, although I could be jinxing, maybe maybe I could get this. Maybe. If I super try and am lucky. Maybe. And it would be glorious.

I learnt me good

I think I can deal with things if I know I have a support network. As in, when I am around people, like now since I am in a Panera, I feel okay--not great, but okay. But when I get back to the B&B and start thinking about how totally alone I am, I flip out. I honestly don't think I'll have a problem living alone or getting a full-time job or anything, but the knowledge that if I need someone I cannot access them just kills me, like I can't breathe or think and I freak out. So what I have done during this horrible week is learn about myself and my limits--namely, that I really need to be closer to home right now. My awe of those of you who've moved far away has not decreased at all, btw. You guys are amazing.

On wussiness

I think (actually I'm just about positive) that I'm going home. I just could not handle this--it was more than just homesickness, I believe. Everytime I'd even think about living here till Christmas, or even about the town or the school, I'd feel like throwing up. I got food poisoning the day I arrived and haven't been able to eat anything but crackers or focus at all. If I hurry I can get my student loans cancelled, and while there might be a fee anything is better than being $70,000 in debt and horrifically miserable. I just don't feel like I should be here at all--I feel like I should be at home. My respect for all of my friends who have moved away and been able to stand it is now increased by about 10 fold though. There's just no way I can keep feeling the way I'm feeling. I cannot do this. So I'm going home, and I'll apply for full-time jobs and look for an apartment and hopefully find someone to rent this room in the B&B so that I don't have to keep paying rent on it all year. But even if I do, it will be better than being here. Sometimes I think we try things and they are just not going to work out. This was one of those things.
This is horrible. I've never felt this bad in my entire life. It's okay when I'm with people or driving or doing something, but when I come back to this room I feel so so sad and alone and awful. I'm nauseous and I've thrown up several times. All I want to do is sleep or call my family or go home. But I can't go home. I don't want to be here. I am so alone out here and there's nothing I can do about it. People ask me what is so bad about being alone, but I never ever thought it would be this awful. Sometimes I don't feel like I can handle the way I'm feeling. I have a therapy appointment next monday and that helped a little today, but as soon as I came back here I went down again. I need to shower and do things like apply for jobs but I can't. I can't go shower because I don't want to be alone with my thoughts. I cannot stand feeling like this. I absolutely hate it. How did you guys manage to leave? I feel like all I want to do is sleep. all i want to do.

MY GLORIOUS RETURN

Me: BECOME JENSEN'S KEPT WOMAN
there's a career plan for you

Rachel: THAT IS THE BEST PLAN EVER
WHERE CAN I GO FOR A DEGREE IN THIS
HE CAN KEEP ME ANYWHERE
well, mostly

Me: LOOK INTO IT

Rachel: i do have SOME scruples

Me: you lie

Rachel: **shifty eyes**
dear jensen,
i have given up on my academic goals, and now have no place in which to put my talents to work
therefore, i ask you to use my body as freely as you like
because that makes so much sense
in regards to my brain
please respond promptly
xxoo
me

Me: AHAHAHAHA
genius!
...you do realize where this is going

Rachel: NOOOOOOOO!

Me: oh yes

Rachel: IT ISN'T EVEN THAT FUNNY
really
like
the last part doesn't even make sense
ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?
hello?

Me: sorry
I WAS BUSY POSTING THAT TO MY BLOG